5 Lessons I’ve Learned from Foster Care

Lesson #1: Kids in crisis need love, prayer, boundaries, support and consistency
I can’t imagine having a mom or dad who abused me physically or sexually. It’s hard to imagine being a kid and never knowing when my next meal would be and always wondering if mom or dad was going to come home with groceries or just more alcohol and pass out on the kitchen floor. Then one day you are taken away by the police and placed in a home with strangers. All you knew has been taken away, your life uprooted. As a kid you were used to just trying to survive, making sure to stay awake as much as possible because you never knew if some guy would come in the room and take advantage of a little girl, or if mom would come home strung out and not feed you. You fended for yourself.

Stephanie and I went through the trainings, read the books and tried to equip ourselves with enough information to be able to help them. We will never be able to fully understand what they went through, because we never experienced it ourselves. However, we CAN give them love. We can cover them with so much prayer. We can sing them songs every night and tuck them in bed, giving them hugs and kisses. We can lay out boundaries for them to function in. It is through the consistency of doing these things that we have seen an amazing change through the lives of our kids. They have thrived in our family over the past 13 months. Support from others outside of our family has been crucial as well, for both them and for us as parents. Seeing people who will love and care for them in a safe way week after week has been huge to the healing of their hearts.

Lesson #2: It’s not all butterflies and kisses [although they do like butterflies and kisses]
The first month was sort of a honeymoon period for us. Emotions for us were high because we had just brought children in need into our home. They were just taking it all in and were trying to figure out what had happened and what this new home was going to be like. Then, after the first 3-4 weeks, their survival modes started to kick in and we started to see lots of different kinds of behavioral issues. They began acting out many of their behavioral habits, their emotions started coming out and for the next few months it was tough. They would scream, kick, bite, hit, anything to try to get us their way. They were so used to getting their way before that once boundaries were set into place around them, they began bumping up against them and then trying to kick the walls down. However, with consistency, prayer and the things mentioned above they began to love the boundaries and thrive within them.

Lesson #3: Kids like songs made up on the spot about their teddy or puppy better than bedtime songs.
We have learned this from our other kids, but even more so with our new children. If they had their choice, they would want us to make up songs about every single stuffed animal or toy they had. However, they love the bedtime songs as well. A bedtime routine that includes songs is especially comforting to them. Also, if you include their names in the songs or the stories you sing/tell, they will love them all the more. There is nothing like the smiles and laughter of children, especially when you know what they’ve been through.

Lesson #4: Little girls are different than little boys.
Dana was our first girl and boy is she girly. If it’s pink “that’s Dana’s.” If it’s flowery, “that’s Dana’s.” If it has Dora the Explorer on it… watch out! She loves frills, she loves dolls, she loves shoes and she loves being a girl. I think a lot of the drama that goes on in our house has to do with this too. She is sooo dramatic when she wants something or when she gets excited. It’s something I’m getting used to, but also still trying to figure out. I’ve definitely learned a lot about raising a toddler girl and my wife is guiding me along the way as well.

Lesson #5: There are more kids in need than there are families ready to take them in.
Here in Missouri there are about 10,000 kids in the foster care system. About 2,600 of them already have their TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) and are just waiting to be adopted. We live in Jackson County and found out that every year 500 kids are available for adoption, but last year only about 180 adoptions occurred.

What happens to these kids if they don’t get adopted? Here is an article that gives details about kids who have aged out of foster care http://orphanjusticecenter.com/2010/07/30/aging-out-of-foster-care/.

I am praying for more Christian families willing to step up and help kids in crisis. The 3 year old Dana’s, the 4 year old Gerardo’s and the 7 year old Manuel’s need loving families who will take the time to give them love, cover them with prayer, set boundaries for them to thrive in and do this consistently.

Waiting for the Adoption

We have had Manuel, Gerardo and Dana in our home for over a year now. The process has been long, but great and we cannot wait until we get to the end of it and can say officially that these are our children.We have had to go through visits with their Mom, then visits being terminated, the goal being changed from reunification to concurrent planning to TPR/Adoption. All through this caring for these kids like they are our own when it hasn’t been certain. It’s been tough, but we know their lives are forever changed by the 13 months they have been in our home regardless of the outcome. But we are ready for the adoption to happen.

So many children are waiting to be adopted and it makes me happy to hear stories like this one, that children are getting adopted. However, the Church needs to step up. We want kids to have mothers and fathers, but in order to make eternal impact on their lives instead of just temporary impact Christians need to adopt. More CHRISTIAN fathers and mothers need to get into the process, get into the foster care system, begin to raise money for private adoptions. It is a very good story sentimentally when we hear of a child finding a home, but when a child finds a home that leads them to the Father… that is lasting impact, lasting change.

I’m calling all Christian Fathers. Step up. Get on your knees and dialog with your heavenly Father about this and then get involved. God’s heart is for the orphan. There is no question. He cares for them through us… that is unless we say no. We as Christians are waiting for the adoption that will finalize at the 2nd coming. We have the opportunity to bring in children into our family who are waiting for adoption and then introduce them to our heavenly Father. Why not you? Why not now?

Round and Round!

Remember the merry-go-rounds? Those spinning wheels you would sit on and hang on for dear life while someone spun you until you were ready to throw up. We found one… well a version of one, with horses. Well, you don’t see these very often anymore and I think I found out out why. I was spinning this one and they were all loving it. It slowed down and they all yelled “AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!” So of course this time it had to be faster. Well, we were going pretty fast and Noah started to lose his grip. It was going so fast, and Stephanie yelled out, I turned around and grabbed Noah just as his head was heading straight for the ground. I caught him just in time.

Noah Getting His Groove On

Noah is always dancing, or doing something funny trying to make someone laugh. This is just a sample of what we get to live with everyday.

Meditating on Heaven…

Isaiah 2:2 “The mountain of the LORD’s house shall be established on the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills; and all nations shall flow to it.”

I love meditating on Isaiah, how he is speaking about the day when Jesus (the Messiah) returns and the mountain city of heaven returns to the earth. What a beautiful day it will be when we will have the city of heaven here on the earth. All of the saints with resurrected bodies will be living within the city called heaven as it is hovering right over the city of Jerusalem during the Millennium. The nations will make pilgrimages to this city. The kings will bring all of their glory and power and wealth and lay it before King Jesus as Jesus teaches the nations and we work in partnership with Him, discipling nations.

What will it be like when our King Jesus is giving forth the law and true justice is truly on the earth? What will it be like when we get to literally hear His voice, the voice that sounds like rushing waters, and see those eyes that are like flames of fire? I long for that day.

Conversations from the Kiddos

It’s amazing seeing your children grow and develop their personalities. You never know what’s about to happen or what they are going to say next. Like when our Noah said “Dad… Dana’s whining.” and Manuel says “Noah is stabbing her (with a plastic knife)” to which I replied “Well Noah, people are going whine when you stab them.”

Or when we were taking Noah to the E.R. after he had split his chin open and Gerardo said “Dad, is Noah dead?” to which Noah spoke up abruptly… “I’m NOT dead Gerardo!”

Well, we were in our room yesterday and David was helping me put together our monthly newsletters and he comes over to us and hands us $20. He then says “Mom and Dad, I wanna support you so we can bring more orphans into our home.”

You know those times as a parent when your kid says something to you and you just don’t really know what to say? I mean, most of the time they will come up to you and ask you questions about history, games, their friends or other things going on in their lives. Conversations usually just happen and because you are 22 years older than your kid, you most likely know the answer.

I love the surprises being a father brings; the out of the blue statements when your kid just melts your heart.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition – Vote for the Loux Family!

Our family has been dramatically impacted by Derek and Renee Loux (http://louxfamilyblog.com). We met Derek and Renee a few years ago and their heart to care for the orphan, the ones no one else wanted, helped to shape what the Lord was doing in our own hearts. Derek and Renee’s vision to care for orphans played a huge part in our adoption of Manuel, Gerardo and Dana.

Just over a year ago Derek died in a car accident.  Renee’ is now a single mother with 13 children, four of which have special needs.  Renee continues to trumpet the cause of the orphan and is the president and spokesperson for Orphan Justice Center.  This non-profit organization is committed to speaking up for the most vulnerable of children – the 163 million orphans worldwide.  Since Derek’s death, Renee’ and her family have brought home two more children who were in desperate need of medical attention. In the past year, with Renee’s relentless pursuit for the orphan and her leadership of OJC, she has impacted over 150 adoptions. She is one who is truly making a difference.

Renee and kids live in a 4 bedroom home and have simply run out of space. In addition, their home has three floors and requires Renee to lift Sasha and his wheelchair from level to level so that he can be with the family. I have been to their home and been with the kids.  You can’t help but come away changed after visiting the Loux family.  They are full of life and love, it is remarkable.

Extreme Home Makeover is looking for a deserving family in the state of Missouri, I can’t think of a more deserving family. They have exhausted every available space in their current home and have simply run out of room. Renee doesn’t know the word “No” when it comes to children in need.

Renee has been given 45 acres in Grandview, MO to help her walk out the vision she and Derek had to build a home with space enough to personally take in 30+ orphans. Their dream together was to take in children with special needs and provide them with a loving home where they could be restored and healed. The property will include a creative prayer place for children and lots of room for horticultural therapy, equine therapy and other traditional therapies.

If you would please help them by nominating Renee Loux for this amazing opportunity to be considered for an Extreme Home Makeover.

Its real easy:

DIRECTIONS to nominate them:

Each nomination must include the names, ages of everyone in the house, a description of the major challenges within the home and a short description of the family story.  I have given a sample description  and definition of what is needed in the home, and the list of names.  You can copy and paste then please taylor it with your emphasis.

Email nominations to: CastingMissouri@gmail.com

Nomination for: The Renee Loux Family

Short Description of the family story: Just over a year ago Derek died in a car accident leaving Renee with now 12 kids (10 adpoted, four of which are handicapped).  Renee continued to trumpet the cause of the orphan by taking on two more children after Derek’s death.  Renee and kids live in a 4 bedroom home and have simply run out of space. In addition, their home has three floors and requires Renee to lift Sasha and his wheelchair from level to level so that he can be with the family.

Major challenges within the home: Size and layout are the major challenges.  There are 14 people living in a 4 bedroom home.  Four of the children are handicapped in some way.  There is one wheelchair bound and one blind.  It is a three level house requiring the wheel chair to be lifted between levels. Renee’s dream is to adopt many more and bring restoration to each one.  The only thing holding them back is the size and function of the home.

Names and Ages:

Renee-mother (49)
Flo- Renee’s mother (72)
Telma-Renee’s daughter, adopted from the Marshall Islands (19)
Teyolla- Renee’s daughter, adopted from the Marshall Islands (19)
Keyolla- Renee’s daughter, adopted from the Marshall Islands (19)
LeeAnn- Renee’s daughter, adopted from the Marshall Islands (16)
Sophia- Renee’s daughter (13)
Michaela- Renee’s daughter (10)
Sana- Renee’s daughter adopted from the Marshall Islands (9)
Sasha- Renee’s son with Spina Bifida adopted from Ukraine (8)
Ethan- Renee’s son with Down Syndrome adopted from Ukraine (7)
Silas- Renee’s son with Down Syndrome adopted from Ukraine (4)
Judah – Renee’ son adopted from the Marshall Islands (1)
Joanna- a blind girl under the legal guardianship of Renee (from the Marshall Islands) age 13

Deadline is March 31st.

Additional Details HERE! http://www.kmbc.com/entertainment/26650690/detail.html

Child Sex Trafficking in America

As Americans when we hear the words “sex trafficking” we usually think of places overseas in third-world countries or nations with corrupt governments. We don’t usually think closer to home – Americans trafficked by Americans. Many of the children sold into sex slavery come from broken families or the foster care system. Some of these are the young girls you may have even seen late at night when you come home from work or a social event. You may have seen them in short dresses or spiked heels and turn your head to look away, trying not to think the worst. Sometimes it’s easier to think that they want to be doing this or they wouldn’t be out there. Others are trapped and hidden away and you don’t see them at all.

Often times they are looking for an escape or for the one thing they say they didn’t find at home, love.

Mary was 12 years old when she first fell in love. It was his “swagger” that attracted her, she recalled, laughing.

The pre-teen, who lost her mother at a very young age and only saw her father on holidays, said she desperately craved a father figure. All she ever wanted was to be loved, she said, and she thought she found that in the man who patrolled up and down her street wooing her.

“I just fell into his arms,” said Mary. One day, the man invited Mary to go on a drive with him. She did, and she never returned home.

For four years, Mary was forced into child prostitution with four different pimps. She was taken from city to city, forced to have sex with random men against her will. She rarely got to keep any of the $1,500 she made every day. Instead, she was abused mentally and physically by both her pimps and other girls who he housed.

Read Mary’s whole story here.

There are an estimated 100,000 to 300,000 children in forced prostitution in the U.S.
In addition, 293,000 American youth are currently at risk of becoming victims of forced prostitution. The majority of American victims of forced prostitution tend to be runaway or thrown away children who live on the streets. These children generally come from homes where they have been abused or from families that have abandoned them.

The average age of a child entering forced prostitution is 12 years old although there have been cases of girls as young as 9 years old. Other children are recruited through forced abduction, pressure from parents, or through deceptive agreements between parents and traffickers. Once these children become involved in forced prostitution they are often forced to travel far from their homes and as a result are isolated from their friends and family. The lifestyle of these kids revolve around violence, forced drug use and constant threats.

Child sex trafficking is on the rise and the traffickers know what they are doing. With the release of the 170-page “Manual on How to Molest Children”, traffickers are becoming pros at saying the right things and finding the children at their most vulnerable times. The manual goes into disgusting detail about where and how to find potential victims and even goes into a topic on how to convince a victimized child not to tell his or her parents.

We cannot continue to rely only on law enforcement to take care of these atrocities. Nor can we push off the crisis of neglected, abused or abandoned children to the government. We must get involved. We must begin to pray consistently and persistently for God to bring justice on behalf of these children. We must begin to sound the alarm and raise awareness and get involved in helping children in whatever ways we can. These children are trapped and if we do not do something who will?

How Do I Identify a Victim of Human Trafficking?

A victim:

• Has unexplained absences from school for a period of time, and is therefore a truant
• Demonstrates an inability to attend school on a regular basis
• Chronically runs away from home
• Makes references to frequent travel to other cities
• Exhibits bruises or other physical trauma, withdrawn behavior, depression, or fear
• Lacks control over her or his schedule or identification documents
• Is hungry-malnourished or inappropriately dressed (based on weather conditions or surroundings)
• Shows signs of drug addiction

Additional signs that may indicate sex-related trafficking include:

• Demonstrates a sudden change in attire, behavior, or material possessions (e.g., has expensive items)
• Makes references to sexual situations that are beyond age-specific norms
• Has a “boyfriend” who is noticeably older (10+ years)
• Makes references to terminology of the commercial sex industry that are beyond age specific norms; engages in promiscuous behavior and may be labeled “fast” by peers

Here are several ways you can help end child trafficking:

1. Start/Join a Prayer Meeting

Find or start a prayer meeting in your area. If you are in Kansas City join in with Orphan Justice Center on Friday’s at 6am at IHOP-KC Prayer Room or with Exodus Cry on Mondays at 8pm. You can also join with us on the webstream by clicking here.

2. Raise Awareness through twitter, facebook, blogs, videos…

You may use social media to connect with friends or check out the latest news from the people you like. However, predators are using these tools as a means to recruit broken and lonely children into the sex industry. Use your influence to write a blog that shifts the mindsets of a generation. Create a video that tells a story that goes viral and sheds light on this issue like no one else can. Get involved in a Stop Child Trafficking Now Walk in your city

3. Get Training and Start Helping Children

Your city probably has a way to begin helping children. Do some research and find out who in your area is focused on this issue and join with them. If you are in Kansas City you can apply for our Justice Fellowship training program.

4. Get Involved in Foster Care / Adoption

Married couples and singles can get involved with foster care or adoption. The children in foster care are the most vulnerable to traffickers. They need loving families that are aware of this issue and willing to step in and say I’ll do what it takes to care for a child. Connect with the department of children and families in your city and find out when the next training is. If you are in Kansas City you can join with us at our next Foster Care training.

This article was originally written for the Orphan Justice Center. You can see the original article as I wrote it on their website here: http://orphanjusticecenter.com/2010/10/20/child-sex-trafficking-in-america/

Freedom Through Adoption

“Even so we, when we were children, were in bondage under the elements of the world. 4 But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth His son, born of a woman, born under the law, 5 to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons.” Galatians 4:3-5

When I think of my life before Christ I think back to my high school years. You may think back to your years in college, your 20’s or 30’s or growing up in the church but never having experienced the love of the Father. Whatever the case, we were in bondage. Whether we were bound by ignorance, idolatry, or intellectualism we were slaves to sin, enthralled by the wisdom of the world yet searching for answers. Little did we know that the Father had His heart set on us and was actively pursuing our adoption as sons and daughters of the living God being brought into His family.

When my wife and I decided to pursue adoption we had no idea where to start. We had been praying for the ending of abortion and the ending of human trafficking for many years and hadn’t made the connection. We knew we wanted to see abortion end in the U.S., but had no grid for it actually happening. If abortion ended then there would be 3,700 additional unwanted babies in the world every day. On the other end of the spectrum, we were asking God for justice for the 100,000 minors involved in sex trafficking in the U.S. each year, most of which have been  involved in the foster care system.

John Piper says it like this “Adoption is greater than the universe. It was there before the universe, it is above the universe and it is the purpose of the universe.”

We then began to see the connection. Even as we were children and in bondage under the elements of the world, the Father sent His son to bring us into His family as adopted sons and daughters. The answer was there the whole time. Adoption at the horizontal level is rooted in adoption at the vertical level. What are we to do to answer the cry of the 3,700 children that are slaughtered in the womb each day? Prayer and Adoption. When the average age of girls entering sex trafficking in the U.S. is 12 years old and there are 122,000 kids in the foster care system WAITING for adoption, what must our response be? Prayer and Adoption.

We can change the destiny of a child. We can reach into the life of an 8 year old girl who next year might get sold into slavery and say “You are mine! Come be apart of our family.” We can physically and practically do this. Lives can be changed forever. Let’s be like our Father and give our lives, open our hearts and our homes and bring justice to those who have no hope.

This article was originally written for the Orphan Justice Center. You can see the original article as I wrote it on their website here: http://orphanjusticecenter.com/2010/08/09/freedom-through-adoption/.

Adoption: The Modern-Day Underground Railroad

We are in the midst of the 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa and I’m compelled again today to pray for the lives of  the 40,000 or so victims of modern-day slavery (i.e. sex trafficking) in the cities where these events are held. The World Cup is said to draw some 500,000 visitors from all over the world and it is well known among anti-trafficking groups that where massive sporting events take place, sex trafficking is rampant. The women and children involved in the forced prostitution there can expect to be raped between 10 and 30 times a night, and with so many visitors in one place, if you do the math you can see why these events are such a draw for traffickers.

Over the past few weeks many anti-trafficking groups, including our very own Exodus Cry, have taken to the streets of Johannesburg, Cape Town and many of the cities in South Africa. Blaire Pilkington, Exodus Cry’s director of philanthropy, and her team are there to pray, raise awareness and minister to girls and tourists wanting to buy sex in hopes that they can detour people from participating in this immoral industry and possibly rescue a few out.

“We’ve seen several women that have gotten rescued out of prostitution already….” says Pilkington in an update from their website. “We began ministering to the two ladies, telling them of the Lord’s love for them, His plan for their life… and the girls’ faces began to change as we talked, and they told us they were ready, they wanted out. We grabbed their hands and led them through the streets littered with clubs, pimps and prostitutes.”

Children are at the tip of the arrow when it comes to trafficking as the average age of those entering into sex trafficking is 12. An article by CTV News shares the story of a 15 year old named Maggie, who was able to escape after she had been captured. “There was this other guy looking good, then came to me and was like ‘I’m looking for people who want to do modeling,’” she recalled in Soweto, an impoverished Johannesburg neighborhood. “I said okay. I’m good for modeling and I can do it.”

Stories like these in foreign countries are far too common. But even in the U.S., according to the department of health and human services, we have more than 100,000 children who are involved in forced prostitution. Children need fathers and mothers like never before. What we are seeing today is prophecy fulfilled. The hearts of the fathers are NOT turned to the children today and because of this the children have turned their hearts away from the fathers. The fatherless generation that is being created in this world is setting the stage for the harlot babylon yet at the same time for the turning of the fathers’ hearts back to the children and for the return of Christ to the earth. In that moment we will see the finalization of our adoption take place and be together with our Lord forever.

Adoption IS the preventative measure for human trafficking. Adoption, in many cases, is a rescue operation that snatches children out of the hands of future traffickers. What the underground railroad was to slavery, adoption is to human trafficking and abortion.

Join with us… let’s start an adoption revolution.