Launching a New Ministry in KC: Safe Families For Children

Adam Parker on Safe Families For Children from OrphanJusticeCenter on Vimeo.

After many years of much prayer, research and discovery we are launching a new ministry in Kansas City called Safe Families For Children to help children and families in crisis. Safe Families For Children is a national ministry we are partnering with to bring to KC as a program of Orphan Justice Center.

Already we have more than 40 people intersted in working with Safe Families in some capacity or volunteering to be a Host Family for a child. We also have an amazing staff on our Safe Families team.

Several months ago I went to Chicago to for training and orientation and toured their operations. We met with a family coach who was working with a victim of a human trafficking bust that happened the week before in Chicago. One of the girls was 17 and her aunt’s house was not a safe place and was given the option by the response unit to either go to a homeless shelter or to go live with a Safe Family. She chose the Safe Family. Her story brought even the seasoned police and social workers to tears and she was placed with a family who had previously been in Africa on an extended missions trip working with human trafficking victims. God knew exactly what she needed. We are excited to see the lives impacted for the Kingdom as we reach out in compassion to the poor and the homeless and empower the Church of Kansas City to begin to open their homes to the broken and wounded souls of our city.

The Lord is shining an incredible light in the darkness here in urban areas of Kansas City where the average age of a homeless person is 7 years old.

We hope to make many new friends and partners in this community as together we bring hope and the love of Christ to many children and families in crisis.

My Life is a Series of Goals: Part 2

My life is a series of goals. With 6 children and the desire to have/adopt more I am constantly trying to evolve my parenting style to one that works best with a large family. I don’t just want to survive. I want to thrive. I want my kids to be well loved, well educated, and well behaved. Here are my current goals and how I’m trying to achieve them:

1) Be more soft spoken with the children
2) Utilize the buddy system
3) Get help from the kids so I can focus on being Mom

In the last post I talked about being more soft spoken. This post I’m going to talk about “The buddy system” and “Getting help from the kids so I can focus on being Mom.”

The Buddy System
Wow, what I life saver. I have been using the buddy system for a year and a half in a very minimal way. Whenever we go out an older child is paired up with a younger child. They are in charge of holding their hand and helping them to obey outing rules and keep up with the group.

I have recently realized I have been underutilizing the buddy system. I shouldn’t only be using it while I am out. I should also use it at home. At home is where life can get most crazy and it is probably because I had been allowing all 6 kids to play with whomever they wanted, however long they wanted, wherever they wanted….recipe for disaster; especially when 3 of the kids come from hard home lives before coming to us. Now, we have the buddy’s stick together for play time, school time, and chore time everyday. You are allowed to play with a non-buddy during specified times and under mom supervision.

Now this rule will probably change eventually as behaviors improve, but for now I’m loving it. I am having the older children mentor the younger children instead of two younger children pairing up and trying to outdo each other with bad behavior. There is peace in our house again.

Getting Help From the Kids So I Can Focus On Being Mom
Lastly we have started having the kids help out with way more than just keeping their rooms clean. David is in charge of dinner and my bedroom. Daniel is in charge of all laundry (cleaning, folding, putting away) and trash. Gabriel is in charge of all bathrooms. Noah is in charge of all dishes and Elisabeth is in charge of keeping all countertops and tables clean. Most of these jobs are just a tiny bit too hard for the kids, so they require some supervision and teaching. But teaching is so much easier than having to do it all. Now I have more time and peace of mind because I’m not pulled in so many directions. I am able to do a better job parenting and a more consistent job homeschooling. Meanwhile, the kids are learning valuable life skills and are feeling the rewards of contributing to the household.

Life is a constant journey of trial an error when you grow from a family of four to a family of eight in the span of a year. I don’t know much, this is just what works for us….right now.

My Life is a Series of Goals: Part 1

My life is a series of goals. With 6 children and the desire to have/adopt more I am constantly trying to evolve my parenting style to one that works best with a large family. I don’t just want to survive. I want to thrive. I want my kids to be well loved, well educated, and well behaved. Here are my current goals and how I’m trying to achieve them:

1) Be more soft spoken with the children
2) Utilize the buddy system
3) Get help from the kids so I can focus on being mom

Let’s start with my first goal: being more soft spoken.
I am finding that even kind words, when spoken out of exhaustion and frustration come across harsh. I want to be a household where my kids obey not because I yell and scream, but because I have molded their character to care about honoring me through obedience. So, this first goal is to change MY behavior and not my children’s.

I am determined to say everything in a soft voice and even a little babyish of a voice. I swore, before I became a mom, I would never do this. I hate hearing adults speaking to teenagers or even other adults in a voice like this… but do you know what I hate more? Hearing people speak with anger and meanness in their voice. I have realized in order to completely eradicate the latter from my life I need to go to the extreme. I am going to practice intentional optimism in my speaking.

David questioned why I was talking the way I was the other day. I told him, “because I’m really stressed and if I don’t talk like this I’m pretty sure I will be yelling.” He said, “well you sound really weird.” I’m sure I did sound weird, but I’m glad the memory of that outing is a mom who talked a bit funny rather than a mom who was stressed and took it out on him and yelled at him.

Part 2 Coming soon…

We Got the Van!

For all of those who are subscribed to our Email List and follow us on Facebook or Twitter. You already know this and have seen the pictures. But for everyone else, I thought you might want to know. We got the van!

We are so thankful for all who partnered with us and gave toward our new van. We were able to raise the entire amount. It is truly amazing to have such a great vehicle. Our kids love it and we love it. We recognize that this was a gift from God and that we could not have done this without such giving and compassionate hearts as yours. Thank you from the entire Parker family!

Adam, Stephanie, David, Daniel, Gabriel, Noah, Elizabeth and Ellie

Only $5,000 Away! With Matching Donation!

We have 5 days left to raise the remaining $5,000 to purchase a 12-passenger van for our family. This will be extremely helpful to our adoption so that we have enough seats for each person in our family.

In addition, one of our partners has agreed to MATCH UP TO $2,500 for any donations we receive toward the van.

Please repost this on your Facebook/Twitter/Blog to help.

Please click below today to give.

How to Give:

• (Check By Mail) Tax Deductible Giving through IHOP-KC: You can make a check out to IHOP-KC and send it to the address below: Please email me at adamparker@ihop.org and let us know that you are sending something in the mail so that we can count it towards the MATCHING DONATION within the next few days.

  ATTN: Parker Van Fund
  8330 E 133rd Street
  Grandview, MO 64030

Inviting Your Participation!

Someone once said, “life as a missionary is a balance of trust and testimony. It can be back and forth of miracle story, midnight hour, miracle story, midnight hour, repeat until faith is established or shaken.” This is very true in our journey. There have definitely been nail-biting seasons, but through our 5 years as missionaries God has been very faithful.

We serve at IHOP-KC by helping to maintain a watch in a 24/7 prayer room, promote the rescuing, adoption and restortation of orphans and children in crisis through our work with Orphan Justice Center and IHOP-KC’s Children’s Justice Initiatives, and most recently am running Safe Families For Children Kansas City to engage the Church in caring for children and families in crisis (without taking a salary)… – because we feel it is the calling of the Lord on our lives.

I’m asking you to partner with us in helping to change the way the Church thinks about adoption and orphan care and to equip and empower the Church to walk out James 1:27. Help us give hope to children and families in crisis and courage to families who would open their homes to those in need.

I’m asking you now because the need is real, but also because I believe we are on the brink of a season of great effectiveness.

If you have been impacted by what God has called us to and would like to know more about our family’s specific, immediate needs, email me.

However, in general, here is the run down:

• We need a van! Pronto! Our adoption of our 3 little ones is months away from being finalized. It is looking like a March/April court date. And with the addition of our little Eliyah, we are a family of 8 with 7 seats in our current van… The past few months have been a little crazy when we want to go places together. We’ve found a van that will meet our needs in both seats and not break our budget with gas mileage, but we still need about $10,000. Click here to help >
• We also need Monthly Partners at $20/month, $50/month, $100/month and $500/month. Our partners are those who have really been impacted by our vision and want to hearts changed and hope brought to children and families. Click here to help >

What is keeping you from fulfilling James 1:27?

A friend from work named Randy Bohlender has put together a video addressing the questions people have for adoption. Some have never asked these questions, but need to and some are using them as an excuse.

I really recommend reading James 1:27 and asking yourself how you can walk this out. If you call yourself a believer, a follower of Christ, a Christian, then you must deal with this verse and figure out how to put it into action in YOUR life.

What role does God want you to play in caring for and looking after orphans? Is the American Dream keeping you from fulfilling James 1:27?

Must Read: Is the Church Ready for the Abortion Law to Change?

This article was written by Kinsey Thurlow over on the Orphan Justice Center Blog. It is a great article and if you consider yourself a Christian it requires a response.

Life is valuable in the womb, and we must see that this life still remains just as valuable when the child is out of the womb, whether that child is 2 months old, 4 years old, or 17 years old.

The ending of abortion cannot be separated from the raising up of an adoption movement. Both concern wanting and loving children, born and unborn—and loving them enough to make them our own sons and daughters if they are left fatherless. In the Father’s house, there are no unwanted children.

Consider a 15 year-old girl who finds herself pregnant. She is certainly very scared, and the seemingly easiest way out is to abort her baby. However, through some counseling, she decides to keep her baby. Do we now breathe a sigh of relief because the baby wasn’t aborted? Is the life of her child still valuable 5 or 6 years later when we learn that the child has been abused and neglected and is now living in foster care? Do we still care about the child’s life?

Continue reading the rest of this article at Orphan Justice Center…

5 Lessons I’ve Learned from Foster Care

Lesson #1: Kids in crisis need love, prayer, boundaries, support and consistency
I can’t imagine having a mom or dad who abused me physically or sexually. It’s hard to imagine being a kid and never knowing when my next meal would be and always wondering if mom or dad was going to come home with groceries or just more alcohol and pass out on the kitchen floor. Then one day you are taken away by the police and placed in a home with strangers. All you knew has been taken away, your life uprooted. As a kid you were used to just trying to survive, making sure to stay awake as much as possible because you never knew if some guy would come in the room and take advantage of a little girl, or if mom would come home strung out and not feed you. You fended for yourself.

Stephanie and I went through the trainings, read the books and tried to equip ourselves with enough information to be able to help them. We will never be able to fully understand what they went through, because we never experienced it ourselves. However, we CAN give them love. We can cover them with so much prayer. We can sing them songs every night and tuck them in bed, giving them hugs and kisses. We can lay out boundaries for them to function in. It is through the consistency of doing these things that we have seen an amazing change through the lives of our kids. They have thrived in our family over the past 13 months. Support from others outside of our family has been crucial as well, for both them and for us as parents. Seeing people who will love and care for them in a safe way week after week has been huge to the healing of their hearts.

Lesson #2: It’s not all butterflies and kisses [although they do like butterflies and kisses]
The first month was sort of a honeymoon period for us. Emotions for us were high because we had just brought children in need into our home. They were just taking it all in and were trying to figure out what had happened and what this new home was going to be like. Then, after the first 3-4 weeks, their survival modes started to kick in and we started to see lots of different kinds of behavioral issues. They began acting out many of their behavioral habits, their emotions started coming out and for the next few months it was tough. They would scream, kick, bite, hit, anything to try to get us their way. They were so used to getting their way before that once boundaries were set into place around them, they began bumping up against them and then trying to kick the walls down. However, with consistency, prayer and the things mentioned above they began to love the boundaries and thrive within them.

Lesson #3: Kids like songs made up on the spot about their teddy or puppy better than bedtime songs.
We have learned this from our other kids, but even more so with our new children. If they had their choice, they would want us to make up songs about every single stuffed animal or toy they had. However, they love the bedtime songs as well. A bedtime routine that includes songs is especially comforting to them. Also, if you include their names in the songs or the stories you sing/tell, they will love them all the more. There is nothing like the smiles and laughter of children, especially when you know what they’ve been through.

Lesson #4: Little girls are different than little boys.
Dana was our first girl and boy is she girly. If it’s pink “that’s Dana’s.” If it’s flowery, “that’s Dana’s.” If it has Dora the Explorer on it… watch out! She loves frills, she loves dolls, she loves shoes and she loves being a girl. I think a lot of the drama that goes on in our house has to do with this too. She is sooo dramatic when she wants something or when she gets excited. It’s something I’m getting used to, but also still trying to figure out. I’ve definitely learned a lot about raising a toddler girl and my wife is guiding me along the way as well.

Lesson #5: There are more kids in need than there are families ready to take them in.
Here in Missouri there are about 10,000 kids in the foster care system. About 2,600 of them already have their TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) and are just waiting to be adopted. We live in Jackson County and found out that every year 500 kids are available for adoption, but last year only about 180 adoptions occurred.

What happens to these kids if they don’t get adopted? Here is an article that gives details about kids who have aged out of foster care http://orphanjusticecenter.com/2010/07/30/aging-out-of-foster-care/.

I am praying for more Christian families willing to step up and help kids in crisis. The 3 year old Dana’s, the 4 year old Gerardo’s and the 7 year old Manuel’s need loving families who will take the time to give them love, cover them with prayer, set boundaries for them to thrive in and do this consistently.

Waiting for the Adoption

We have had Manuel, Gerardo and Dana in our home for over a year now. The process has been long, but great and we cannot wait until we get to the end of it and can say officially that these are our children.We have had to go through visits with their Mom, then visits being terminated, the goal being changed from reunification to concurrent planning to TPR/Adoption. All through this caring for these kids like they are our own when it hasn’t been certain. It’s been tough, but we know their lives are forever changed by the 13 months they have been in our home regardless of the outcome. But we are ready for the adoption to happen.

So many children are waiting to be adopted and it makes me happy to hear stories like this one, that children are getting adopted. However, the Church needs to step up. We want kids to have mothers and fathers, but in order to make eternal impact on their lives instead of just temporary impact Christians need to adopt. More CHRISTIAN fathers and mothers need to get into the process, get into the foster care system, begin to raise money for private adoptions. It is a very good story sentimentally when we hear of a child finding a home, but when a child finds a home that leads them to the Father… that is lasting impact, lasting change.

I’m calling all Christian Fathers. Step up. Get on your knees and dialog with your heavenly Father about this and then get involved. God’s heart is for the orphan. There is no question. He cares for them through us… that is unless we say no. We as Christians are waiting for the adoption that will finalize at the 2nd coming. We have the opportunity to bring in children into our family who are waiting for adoption and then introduce them to our heavenly Father. Why not you? Why not now?